Category Archives: funny

Weather formula

The weather looked so promising yesterday I made plans to go out this weekend and shoot some picture but this morning BAM!! and fucking dust again!!!

Its been a while since I’ve done any programming but if theres a higher power up there,  he must have some weather code running along these lines;


#include <iostream.h>

int main()

{

int x = Sys Day;

int y = Thursday;

if (x != y) {

cout << “Bright and Sunny day” << endl;

}

else {

cout << “DUST, DUST AND MORE DUST” << endl;

}

return 0;

}

Have a nice weekend :(

Its not easy

Life as such is not easy and when you’re a vegetarian its no walk in the park. After spending the whole morning shopping we decided to get a bite to eat at the food court since it was already half past two and we’d be too tired to make lunch after driving home.

Scene 1. Amigo’s Mexican counter

Staff: May I take your order?

Me: I’ll have a Burrito please and a plate of Nachos

Staff: Sir, we have beef steak with cheese, chicken fajita with jalapeno blah blah blah…

My brain: I’ll have the beef steak with extra beef with a side order of beef salad with extra beef, and while you’re at it, why dont you blend some of that beef into my soft drink ?

Me: *beads of sweat running down my brow* Er.. ah.. I’ll have a veggie burrito. Er.. do you have a veggie option?

Staff: One veggie coming right up sir!

My Brain: DAMN YOU!!! I wanted BEEF!!! Goddammit!! RED MEAT!!

Me: Shut up!!

Scene 2. Nolita’s Pizza

Staff: What can I get you? We have a fresh batch of pepperoni pizza.

Me: *plams sweaty, hands are shaking and mouth has gone completely dry*  ‘gulp’… I’ll have a slice of your veggie pizza please.

My brain: YOU SONOFABITCH!! Didnt you hear the man say PEPPERONI? Take a look at that magnificent New York pizza with those chewy slices of pepperoni nestled in a bed of warm cheese! Whats wrong with you?

Staff: Can I get you something else sir? We also have a Meat Lover’s Pizza

Me: *coughs* Just an order of baked wedges, thats all! *picks up order and runs away from the pepperoni pizza.

This is just Day 5 out of 50! :D

Tips for better driving

originally uploaded by Mathai [link]

Here’s a bunch of tips from yours truly that I compiled after observing the driving habits in Kuwait.

1. Seat belts are for pussies. Many modern cars come with an annoying buzzer and visual warning that goes off when the driver’s seat belt is not fastened. You can easily bypass this by looping your seat belt over the headrest and buckle it on the other side. Now no more annoying beeps and flashes, also when your car slams into another car or road sign you can easily be launched head first thru the windshield.

2. Show your children you love them. Carry toddlers in your lap while you speed along at 120 Kmph on the express way, or if you have a couple of small kids, let them accompany you in the passenger seat so that they may also have front row seats in the event of a accident.

3. Roads are for nerds. If you’re in a hurry to get to work and there’s a traffic jam up ahead, then don’t worry, that’s what the sidewalks are for. If you have an SUV then simply ride up onto the kerb and drive as fast as you can while pedestrians and road cleaning crew jump onto the road for dear life.

4. Multi-tasking is important. In today’s fast life you may not get enough time to finish all your tasks. Why not do all that while driving? Read the newspaper, adjust your head-gear, pluck your eyebrows, apply some lipstick, have a cup of coffee, brush your teeth, shave, take a bath.. oh the list is endless!

5. Take the exit as late as possible. You might lose velocity if you take the middle or slow lane while exiting the express way. The solution to that is to keep driving in the fast last as late as humanly possible and then take a sharp turn cutting across 3 lanes of traffic. Dont worry about the people screeching to a halt or honking, they’re just stopping to appreciate your fine driving skills.

6. Driving in one lane is boring. There are usually 3 or 4 lanes to choose from when you’re on the road, so why restrict yourself to just one? Drive for a few seconds in one lane and when that gets boring  just jump across to the next one. That way you can keep yourself entertained and reach your destination with a fresh mind.

7. Say hi to the ladies. Be a gentleman, if you see a pretty young thing driving along(especially on Gulf street), try your best to say hello to her by tailgating as close as possible to her rear bumper, or you could drive up close till your doors come in contact.  If the young girl crashes her car or goes off the road and bursts into flames, don’t worry it just probably means she wasn’t ready for a relationship.

8. Give your car some breathing space. If you’re going out to Avenues or 360 mall for shopping, make sure to give your car some space by parking diagonally across two parking spots. If you can enjoy wide open spaces why not let your car do the same?

Unfortunately my lack of experience has yielded only these  tips but I will post more as my experience grows and I’ll share them with you.

Beautiful mom

I was shopping for some gifts when I came across this rather strange quote on a doll set. Imagine the kid interpreting this as; “I’m glad I didnt turn saggy and ugly after I had you” :P

Good bye Conan

Last week was the last show on the “Tonight show with Conan O Brien” after just 7 months of being on the air. I’ve been a fan of Conan starting from his “Late Show” days and he was also a writer on the Saturday Night Live shows and on the Simpsons. This man is a great comic and had some of the silliest, gut bursting comedy skits on late night television and I was looking forward to at least a decade of his being the host on the Tonight Show. Although I did like Jay Leno as the previous host, Conan’s style of comedy is far wackier and enjoyable for a guy like me who grew up watching the Simpsons.

Goodbye Coco and hope to see you on another network soon. In the mean time you can watch some of his last shows on NBC [link]

If you’ve been living in a cave the past couple of weeks and don’t know whats been happening read this [link]

Conan O Brien [link]

Bloggers be afraid!

This is the first thing I see this morning !

And when I walked into the office once of the first things I heard was “Man you’re in trouble” :D  Oh great!  the government has decided to ‘punish’ bloggers. But who are these bloggers? I can tell you that its not the majority of the bloggers in Kuwait ( the last thing I want to blog about is the local political scene). I guess this warning is to the Kuwaiti bloggers who dare mess with the government. All the best to you guys!

Crazy women

I must be paranoid but I get the feeling that a group of women are out to kill me! I’m not a sketch artist but this is what one of them  looks like. :D

They’re hidden behind a veil of mystery and almost always try to run me off the road, honk crazily at me and give me dirty looks. I believe that they’re all from the same club and have some sort of hidden agenda.

Take for example the one that lives in my locality, she drives a Beige Suzuki Vitara and tries to beat traffic by driving on the sidewalk at 100 KMPH! I was once on the right hand side of the road when she launched her car off the sidewalk and onto the main road but luckily I escaped with my life.

Then there’s the blood thirsty woman who drives in the right lane all the way to the exit, makes a mad dash across the road to the extreme left, cuts in front of me, then swerves all the way back to the exit!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TRYING TO DO? Once again let me illustrate :D

The above two are just 2 of the many incidents that I’ve had to deal with.

I’m not against women driving and being independent but damn!

Evangelion's Nerv in India

If you’re familiar with the famous anime series “Evangelion” you’ll know about the Second Impact and NERV, the secret organization that attempts to save earth from the attack of angels.


Now some clever guy in Andhra Pradesh in India has copied the logo of NERV and created his own ministry called ‘NERV ministry’. I don’t know what he’s saying but obviously this guy has read the story line of Evangelion and he claims the Second Impact will be Jesus’ coming on 25-12-2013 but if you’re a fan of the aime you’d already know that the second impact took place sometime in 2000. I feel sorry for the hundreds of poor illiterate people that guys like him manage to swindle each year.

You can read more about Evangelion Anime here [link]

Evangelion Glossary [link]

I found it thru figure.fm [link]

Videos

Video links

1[link]

2[link]