originally uploaded by Mathai [link]
Here’s a bunch of tips from yours truly that I compiled after observing the driving habits in Kuwait.
1. Seat belts are for pussies. Many modern cars come with an annoying buzzer and visual warning that goes off when the driver’s seat belt is not fastened. You can easily bypass this by looping your seat belt over the headrest and buckle it on the other side. Now no more annoying beeps and flashes, also when your car slams into another car or road sign you can easily be launched head first thru the windshield.
2. Show your children you love them. Carry toddlers in your lap while you speed along at 120 Kmph on the express way, or if you have a couple of small kids, let them accompany you in the passenger seat so that they may also have front row seats in the event of a accident.
3. Roads are for nerds. If you’re in a hurry to get to work and there’s a traffic jam up ahead, then don’t worry, that’s what the sidewalks are for. If you have an SUV then simply ride up onto the kerb and drive as fast as you can while pedestrians and road cleaning crew jump onto the road for dear life.
4. Multi-tasking is important. In today’s fast life you may not get enough time to finish all your tasks. Why not do all that while driving? Read the newspaper, adjust your head-gear, pluck your eyebrows, apply some lipstick, have a cup of coffee, brush your teeth, shave, take a bath.. oh the list is endless!
5. Take the exit as late as possible. You might lose velocity if you take the middle or slow lane while exiting the express way. The solution to that is to keep driving in the fast last as late as humanly possible and then take a sharp turn cutting across 3 lanes of traffic. Dont worry about the people screeching to a halt or honking, they’re just stopping to appreciate your fine driving skills.
6. Driving in one lane is boring. There are usually 3 or 4 lanes to choose from when you’re on the road, so why restrict yourself to just one? Drive for a few seconds in one lane and when that gets boring just jump across to the next one. That way you can keep yourself entertained and reach your destination with a fresh mind.
7. Say hi to the ladies. Be a gentleman, if you see a pretty young thing driving along(especially on Gulf street), try your best to say hello to her by tailgating as close as possible to her rear bumper, or you could drive up close till your doors come in contact. If the young girl crashes her car or goes off the road and bursts into flames, don’t worry it just probably means she wasn’t ready for a relationship.
8. Give your car some breathing space. If you’re going out to Avenues or 360 mall for shopping, make sure to give your car some space by parking diagonally across two parking spots. If you can enjoy wide open spaces why not let your car do the same?
Unfortunately my lack of experience has yielded only these tips but I will post more as my experience grows and I’ll share them with you.